Hello Friends, it has been a minute since I logged on. December wore me out just a bit, but I am getting my life together and am excited to get some content posted for you all. Let’s catch up.
I can’t complain about 2020 so far. I am not overwhelming myself with a bunch of goals I probably won’t stick with or a list of resolutions. I am taking life day by day and it has been pretty chill. I have one big self-loving project I am working on and so far, so good: and that is to cut back on my screen time.
I have chatted with my therapist about this a few times and she asked me something/put something in my head the first time we talked about it: she basically told me to ask myself how I feel after I log off social media. A lightbulb went off in my head at that moment, months ago when she said this. I began to really pay attention to this and reflect on it with each meaningless scroll I found myself partaking in.
Here’s the thing: I kept using the fact that a good 98% of the accounts I follow on Instagram are book accounts. Instagram is this world where no one is posting about the really crappy day they had, how their face broke out or that they still can’t fit into their favorite jeans. Everything is perfectly filtered and we’re all living our best lives on there! The bookish corner though is not exempt for turning your okay mood, into a crappy one.
I love, love, love my account-the friendships I’ve built-the opportunities that have presented themselves-thanks to Instagram, but, I am giving myself 40 minutes a day to be part of it. I have to make those 40 minutes count, because once my phone lets me know that limit is reached, it’s a wrap until the next day.
I have been consciously paying attention to when I am grabbing my phone and why-it boils down to habit and boredom. When things are quiet and not a lot is going on, I have this natural reaction to grab my phone. Stuck in traffic? Grab my phone for a quick scroll. In the line at the grocery store? Grab my phone for a quick scroll. You know what else is on my phone? My Kindle App, Scribd, Overdrive, Audible and my word search games-apps that would allow me to squeeze in more reading and stretch my brain a bit. When my therapist planted the bug in my mind and had me thinking of how I felt when I log off social media, in all honesty, it was shitty. It is this constant rat race against the algorithm and stupid rules to try and get noticed, gain followers and real talk! It’s exhausting!
I think my biggest issue personally, is I grew up at a time where I remember computers becoming what they are, I have seen the evolution of cell phones. I know what life is like without these things, so it’s like if I lived without them once upon a time, why is it so hard to put them down and do something without them in tow now? I find myself so wrapped up in Instagram stories, and meaningless scrolling that I am not paying attention to the moments in real life, passing me by. I don’t want to miss anymore of those moments. I want to see how much more reading I can get done if I fill those few moments with reading a few pages rather than scrolling for no reason-and stopping in a crappy mood. I think in the end, I’ll be better for it. I am 33 and not afraid to say that even at 33, it’s hard not to get wrapped up in comparison; what am I not doing? why am I not growing as quickly as__________ I am hoping that my project gets me into the headspace of, it’s for fun and it doesn’t matter. I am not getting paid to do this, it’s a hobby, it’s for fun. I don’t need to be so involved at all times of the day.
So, here is to doing things with more intention, and a meaningful 40 minutes a day.