I have been living the stay at home mom life now since early September. I recognize I am very blessed to live the life I live. I am not currently working, yet am still (
well, will be eventually) receiving a paycheck thanks to the GI Bill. So basically getting paid to be a full time student, which I am doing online from home. No doubt about it, I am blessed to live the life I’m living.
I joined the military three weeks after I graduated high school at 18. I just turned 33 on the 11th of November, so from the time I was 18 until 32 I’ve been working! I had two jobs while in the Air Force. One of them was a special job I only did for four years before returning to my primary job as a military police officer. Like any law enforcement job, it consisted of long days and nights, working holidays, training on your day off, fitting in workout time into your day to meet the requirement of staying in shape! That’s the life I became accustomed to. You wake up early, go for a run, pull a 12 hour day, come home and be a mom. Well, that’s no longer my life and honestly, I’m struggling a bit with who I am now.
I like to think that we are always in this state of becoming. To me, that keeps things interesting. Who wants to say they have it all figured out? When you’ve done something everyday since you were basically a kid though and all of a sudden you walk away from that or are yanked from it, what does that do to your identity? What happens to who you’ve grown into already at the intersection of this new phase of life?
At first I really sank my teeth into stay at home mom life the best way I knew how: I started reading blogs, I started following stay at home mom’s on youtube and subscribed to a few podcasts. I wanted to see what other women have to say. Honestly, I haven’t taken much away.
I think it’s an on going process especially in my case where I’m juggling being home all day with my four year old and taking online classes. I have to find my balance and I think balance sometimes comes at the hand of trial and error. I’m learning that I’m not a night owl and feel way more productive when I wake up at 5 a.m. like I’m used to. I like to soak as much out of the day as possible, but it’s been a while now and I’ve read the books and binged the movies..I’ve dressed retired life nicely, it’s like..now what? What else is there? Especially being in this weird in between where I’m chasing one dream (of having a Bachelor’s) to pursue another, which is to teach one day. Who am I right now? I have heard from a few Mom friends who left careers to stay home and they experienced what I’m feeling as well, so in a weird way it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone in this.
My goal is to be as transparent as possible here on my blog, so I hope you all don’t mind, but I will begin incorporating a little bit of everything. I hope the right post reaches someone who needs it at the right time. There is already enough negativity and ways that people feel they don’t belong. If I can combat that in any way possible, I will keep trying..and I think the best way to start is by being honest. Things aren’t perfect. Life for me isn’t all glitz and glam. There are days when I don’t know if I’m the mess on the floor or the broom to sweep it up, but I aim to keep figuring it out as best as I can.
we will chat again soon. I’m rooting for you and am only a message away if you ever need to chat.